I know it’s been awhile and I am a little late on this, but I have been kinda tied up with other things

But I want to give a big shout out to my baby, Terrance, for his progress report. If you have read my previous posts, you know that we have struggled with him and school pretty much all year. I worked along side the school to put him in special programs and help bring his grades and learning up to where it should be, and even have a private tutor come over once a week for two hours. He did good on his last report card, but he brought home his progress report a week ago and he had all Bs!!!! I, along with everyone else, was so proud of him. I remember having the meeting at the school and they kept suggesting medication and I was dead set against all those ADHD medicines. I was determined to try to get this right without the typical medicine they try to shove down the throats of children. Don’t get me wrong, I believe there are some children out there that do need the medication, but I know my son and it wasn’t necessary for him. Just hard work, motivation and support from those around him.

I can’t take all the credit nor can I give all the credit to the school. Terrance’s tutor has so much to do with that. She was patient with him and always kept his interest with different ways of learning. And of course, I can’t ignore the hard work put in by Terrance. He has worked so hard to do better and told me he tried harder. I’m not sure how he did on his STAAR test but I am so proud of him for the progress he has made since the beginning of the year. It makes him feel good to do better so I made sure I let him know how proud I was and so did everyone else.

Parents, know what your kids need. Don’t just go on the words of others, especially if their solution is the same solution they give to every other child. I’m so glad I held my ground and allowed my “mommy instincts” to kick in instead.

Later

How would you feel if I said “girl, you are too fat. You need to stop eating so much and start working out”? You would be ready to kick my ass, right?. So please tell me how you think I feel when you say “girl, you are too skinny. You need to start eating more and stop working out”? I can’t help the body I was born with, which so happens to have a slim frame (small bones). That’s why I was never really interested in modeling. Too much pressure to stay thin. When I starting working out, it wasn’t about losing weight for me. It was, and still is, about being healthy. Have I lost weight? Sure, but I can guarantee I have lost “fat” but gained muscle in return. Not only that, I don’t have cholesterol issues, heart issues, blood pressure issues, etc, which are common issues in African-Americans. And the people that know me best, know I like to eat. I’ve do try to eat much healthier now, but I STILL eat fried foods, popcorn and pizza, just not as much. My soldier issued me a challenge before he left to see who could get the most fit by the time he came back. That motivated me. No, he didn’t tell me I was too fat or needed to lose weight. He just said WE (he AND I) needed to get more in shape. And that’s exactly what I have been doing. I work out at least 5 days a week for at least 45 minutes. I do more weight training than cardio and I can definitely tell the difference in how my body looks. You should see my “guns”….they are DEADLY! LOL

I used to have a friend in college that was thin as a rail. People used to always comment on how skinny she was and tell her she needed to eat and gain weight. But she couldn’t help her 00 size, that was the body she was born with and no matter what she did, it would not change. Those comments hurt her just as telling someone how fat they are would. Before you open your mouth and make comments about someone’s small size or thin frame, think of how you would feel if they pointed out something about you that you can’t change. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind being called skinny-mini, but don’t you dare tell me to eat more or work out less. As long as I am healthy and love the body I am in, keep your comments to yourself..

Sorry for venting…. (not really) LOL

Later….

Well I must say, it is quite a job keeping up with this blog. Sometimes I forget and sometimes I just don’t have a damn thing to say!! But I am sitting in the Fort Lauderdale airport on my way back from the most relaxing carefree and definitely much needed vacation. Myself and 3 other fabulous ladies planned this trip back in September and now the trip has come and gone. We had a wonderful time just hanging out, drinking and laughing. When you plan any kind of trip with other folks, you have to be careful who you travel with. Too many personalities can lead to the trip from hell. But these ladies and I have taken several trips together, although this was our first “plane trip”. We normally do road trips somewhere in Texas or Oklahoma for the weekend. This trip was 4 glorious days in the beautiful Fort Lauderdale/Miami area. We ate at good restaurants, we drank some good drinks, we took plenty of good naps, but more importantly, we shared some good times. I’m looking forward to more drama free, attitude free, and judgement free trips with these chicas. Next year, we are going cruisin!!!!!

It’s good to have trips with your man/woman, but a good girl’s trip is good for the soul!!!

Later!

Mango’s

Hard Rock Cafe

Lips Drag Show

Last month I blogged about my son’s dog and the health issues he was having. Well, they finally took their toll and at 8:03pm, Saturday, April 13th, Ryan Jackson Sanders AKA RJ AKA Jeezie crossed over the rainbow bridge (my mom said that). I came home Saturday to find him moving slow and breathing very heavily. I immediately freaked out and started crying. Naturally, I called my mother and my dad told me to take him to the ER. I found one very close to me and flew like Superman to get there. I was crying as I walked into the door at 6:55 and handed her over RJ. A few minutes later, a nurse came out to ask questions and then she left again. Shortly after, she came back out with the prognosis, he had heart failure and fluid on his lungs…he was critical. I cried even harder. I again called my mom who told me I would have to make a decision. There was no sense in keeping him in pain, especially if he was not going to get better. Again, I cried. I called my ex husband, whose bright idea it was to get a dog in the first place, to let him know. Terrance was still at the campsite and was none the wiser on what was going on with his dog. His father said that I shouldn’t let Terrance be there because it might be too tramatic for him to see his dog in that state. I agreed. The doctor came back in and told me basically he was suffering because his heart was pumping way too hard and the fluid was just building up on his lungs and throughout his body….I cried more.

At 7:56pm April 13th, I made the very difficult and painful decision to have RJ put to sleep. I couldn’t stop crying. I was hurting for myself, my son and for RJ. I went in to see him one last time and tell him that I loved him, that his brother Terrance loved him, that I was so sorry for doing this and that he was going to be ok now. His eyes showed pain and yet excitement to see me. Tears rolled down my face as I ran out the room. Ten minutes later, the doctor came out and told me he was gone. Of course I cried harder than ever. How would I explain this to Terrance? How could I tell him that the last time he saw RJ was the last time he would see him. The last thing Terrance said to RJ Friday morning was “I’ll see you after school”, but he went straight to camping so he would never see him again.

I went to the campsite to pick him up and when I told him that RJ had died, he started crying and screaming “no, I don’t want RJ to be dead”. He said that RJ was not in a better place and he wanted him here with him. What broke me down was when he asked “now who’s going to sleep with me at night?”. I had to call my mom to help calm him down cause I just kept crying. He decided he wanted to stay at the camp grounds and didn’t want to come home so I let him. I came home by myself to an empty apartment. A place that is usually greeted by feet across the hardwoods, or barking or a look of “where the hell have you been all day, I gotta pee”. I didn’t turn on the kitchen lights so I wouldn’t have to see his bowls or beds laying on the floor. I cried myself to sleep, with anger, grief and hurt on my heart.

Sunday I woke up with a massive headache. My first thought was “I gotta get up and feed and walk the dog”. Wait, there is no dog to feed or walk…more tears. I walked into the kitchen and picked up his bowls to wash them, and got his beds out the living room. I cleaned out all his stuff, I threw some away and kept some for memories. Terrance came home and we talked about everything that happened and he was actually handling it better than I thought he would. He asked for another dog and eventually, we will get to that point. I am not there yet. Throughout the day, he would say “I’m sad that RJ is dead” and I would just say “me too”.

Today, I am still crying. I feel guilty for not doing more for RJ when I could have. I feel guilty for the decision I made. I feel guilty for all the times I fussed at him for making “a mess” on the floor. I feel guilty for taking my son’s only pet away. I feel guilty for not paying more attention. I feel guilty because I was gone all day. Maybe one day the guilt and pain will subside, but right now, I am a wreck. There was a knock at the door yesterday and I cried because I am used to hearing him bark. I pulled into the garage and saw his leash and collar hanging their and I cried because I knew walking in, he would not be there. There is no snoring, no barking, no coughing, no jiggling collar, no wimpers for attention, no nothing. Just silence….

RIP RJ

Later….

Goofy Smile

Hanging with the fellas

Good Sleep!!!

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet….

You can always tell when it’s income tax time cause the Gucci store, the Louis store and the Louboutin store see a rash of new customers. But what’s that all about? I’m all for splurging every now and then but why not pay off some bills? Why not do something special for the kids? Why not take most of it and save it for a rainy day? What’s the point of buying something you normally can’t afford but still having bills, past due accounts and no reserves just to say you have the latest? We have got to do better. Stop watching tv and letting celebrities make you think you got it like that.

I’m just sayin…..

Later

When my son turned 2 years old, my then husband decided we needed a family pet. I wasn’t that opposed to the idea because I grew up with a pet so why not. I didn’t want a big dog cause big dogs mean big poop and big bills. At the time I worked at a law firm where a legal secretary bred her Yorkie and her Schnauzer to make “Snorkies”. Very cute, not too big and fun dogs. Cool. She had a new litter coming so I gave her $300 and purchased an unborn dog. On Christmas 2004, Ryan Jackson Sanders was born and in early March 2005, we brought him home. He started out a black dog but somehow ended up beige (Michael Jackson-ish).

Anyway, Terrance and his dog were so cute together. Unfortunately for RJ, Terrance loved to terrorize him with the vaccuum and plastic Wal-Mart sacks. As Terrance grew older, he stopped being so mean to him and learned to love and care for his dog. RJ is his responsibility. He must feed him, walk him and clean up after his “accidents”. They even sleep together at night. I think I might have caught them spooning one night! LOL

But now RJ is getting older and he has a heart murmur, a staff infection and a weird eye thing. Last time I took him to the vet, his murmur had gone from level 2 to level 4 so the doctor gave me a referral to a specialist. Apparently these folks think RJ has a job, cause they wanted $600 just to see him and test him….that doesn’t include medicines and treatments. I hate to say it, but RJ is gonna have to go with prayer on this one. When I told Terrance RJ was sick, he asked if he was gonna die and I had to tell him yes, eventually. Of course he cried and I cried, but I told him to just enjoy the time he has with RJ now and take care of him as best he can. So now everyday before he goes to school, he gives RJ a hug and a kiss, tells him he loves him and that he will see him after school.

As a parent, you never want your child to feel hurt or pain and I am dreading that day when I have to tell my son his best friend is gone. Until then, we will cherish our little guy and make each moment count.

Later

Terrance and RJ-BFFs

Cat Napping

Back in the day, spring break had a totally different meaning for me. In elementary school, it meant a week at home watching cartoons. In junior high, it meant a week at home sleeping. In high school, it meant a week out of school to hang out with friends. In college, it usually meant a road trip somewhere, either Houston or Austin. I was broke in college so there was no Mexico or beach spring breaks for me. Matter of fact, there were a few times I took my broke behind home and stared at my parents for a week.

But this year, spring break means something else for me. It’s a week where I don’t have to hear “mom” every 5 minutes. A week where I can keep snacks and food in my cupboards for longer than 3 days. A week where I don’t have to be perplexed over 4th grade homework. A week of peace and quiet!!!! LOL School is out on Friday at 2:50 and at 2:51 we will be heading down the tollway to drop him off at my moms for as long as she can stand to feed him! I love my son dearly but the kid is eating me out of house and home. This is a kid that comes home looking for a snack, then has dinner and a few hours later, comes back and says “what’s for dinner?”…like he didn’t already eat dinner. Then he wants an after dinner snack and then dessert. My parents got him started on that dessert stuff. We go out to eat and he thinks appetizers AND dessert are standard. Um, no. Pick ONE. My pockets are more shallow than mom and pops, so both is not an option! I get the whole growing boy thing, but good grief!!!

So all next week I will be just working and enjoying having a full refrigerator. Did I mention I have a week free of after school care payments too? I’m set to actually save money next week!!! Who’s up for going to dinner…I’ve got McDonald’s coupons!! :/

Later